Tears

 Just now,when I was on my way home, I saw a little kid hugging his dog. Tears came stinging my eyes. It was actually because I'm imagining myself hugging a puppy and what if he/she peed on me? supposed to laugh dont you think so? BUt instead, i'm almost crying. I cant sob with my mom beside me in the car,can I?  I remember carrying my dog into the car and going into the vet. my mother said that ppl say if dogs leak, it means that its almost time. I was crying cats and dogs already. She kept whining in the car. * I'm tearing up again.
* sorry for the language
when we reached the vet,that man in charge in the counter is taking is own effing sweet time asking my mom for infos. And he fucking asked us to wait. FOR GOODNESS SAKE! EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT MY GIRL IS ALREADY LIMP IN MY HANDS! AND HE DARED TO ASK US TO WAIT! SCREW HIM! CANT HE SEE THAT ITS AN EMERGENCY?!

And during her struggle with the death angel, she lost. God took her back. I lost her on 24th September

Right now and up till now, I've been suppressing myself and my tears inside myself.  I have a feeling that one day, my water reservoir will break and everything will gush out. I need someone. I need a shoulder. A shoulder that'll only be mine to lean on....