Tears

 Just now,when I was on my way home, I saw a little kid hugging his dog. Tears came stinging my eyes. It was actually because I'm imagining myself hugging a puppy and what if he/she peed on me? supposed to laugh dont you think so? BUt instead, i'm almost crying. I cant sob with my mom beside me in the car,can I?  I remember carrying my dog into the car and going into the vet. my mother said that ppl say if dogs leak, it means that its almost time. I was crying cats and dogs already. She kept whining in the car. * I'm tearing up again.
* sorry for the language
when we reached the vet,that man in charge in the counter is taking is own effing sweet time asking my mom for infos. And he fucking asked us to wait. FOR GOODNESS SAKE! EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT MY GIRL IS ALREADY LIMP IN MY HANDS! AND HE DARED TO ASK US TO WAIT! SCREW HIM! CANT HE SEE THAT ITS AN EMERGENCY?!

And during her struggle with the death angel, she lost. God took her back. I lost her on 24th September

Right now and up till now, I've been suppressing myself and my tears inside myself.  I have a feeling that one day, my water reservoir will break and everything will gush out. I need someone. I need a shoulder. A shoulder that'll only be mine to lean on....

Emotions

The main reason why i started a new blog is because i felt a little hurt that my best friend had a blog without telling me about it. its not a must.. but its usual for her to tell me to go check it out or so.. u can say i started this blog because of that petty reason. Im not really a computer person.. but who cares~ as long as i can express my self.

what am i actually? who am i? WTH
i understand how complicated a person can be. because im one of them. im one of the ppl who's complicated. I myself, i often think and 'fan' about things. especially when it comes to work, i busy myself and panic myself resulting in gastric( nt very often luckily) ppl usually call ppl like this 'ppl who creates things to worry about'
dont treat me like a guy! dont treat me like a girl~ what exactly izit that i want?? i feel like nothing.  i feel nothing in my life. well~ i might be reall happy at times.. but after all the happiness went to others, whats left of me? like a dead hermit in its own shell.


* Number 3
You are hardhearted and selfish most of the time. You always tend to have lots
of problems within your family in the early stages but you will be able to cope
with everything. You seem to have your way in everything. And from birth you
would always have to work hard to achieve anything you want. You always make a
point to set examples on others, especially the younger ones. Generally you are
not a cool person. It's not easy dealing with you. A tough player you are! But
once you are comfortable with someone, it will be a lasting friendship. You
always earn respect from others. Your Ilk seems to have lots of worries and
problems but they won't be for long. You will have brilliant kids! You love
money a bit too much so temptation will push you to try endlessly. You will look
after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being
generous and kind (except for men born on the 21st). You love your freedom,
creative and ambitious, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!!
Your best match 6 and 9. Good match 1, 3, and 5

read above? yes. its seriously true. its something that even i wouldnt be able to describe and express the way i want it.  but some are not true. i dont feel that im trying to be an example for younger kids.. 

its not easy dealing with me. my inner emotions are so friggin complicated that even i dont know what i want. Dilemma? think so~

I'm standing in path. A path which later on branches into many other paths. Each are calling me to walk their pathway.... And I'm still standing there